I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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