mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
