bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
