I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
