Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Are my feet made of real feet?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
