I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
