He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
