My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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