Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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