Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
