What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
