Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
