I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
