Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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