quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
