i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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