the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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