He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
