we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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