i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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