i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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