Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
