nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
