i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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