I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
