tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
