There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
