The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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