Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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