I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
