I wish they made helmets for livers.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
