I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
