holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
