he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
