Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
