the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
