I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
