North Korea, Best Korea!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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