He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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