Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
vagina is talking i cant
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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