her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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