why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
