I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
