I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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