respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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