girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
