Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
