If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
