I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
