i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
