We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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